Leaky labor loons leak even leakier leaks, says leak

4 August 2010

CANBERRA, WEDNESDAY: Labor looks on today with a growing sense of helplessness as more leaks are leaked from sources which remain as yet unleaked to both the media and to the Labor party itself.

The new leaks surpass even the old leaks in sheer leakiness by about thirty points, claim analysts. The nature of these leaks remains confidential, for the moment. This follows the same pattern of past Labor leaks, the content of which no one seems to be aware of.

Tonight’s leaks have been traced as far as an ABC cameraman, who happened to be shooting some footage of Kevin Rudd denying that he was the source of the leaks. Rudd first leaked his innocence to the interviewers, and proceeded to then leak vital information about his gall bladder.

Julia Gillard has responded with leaks of her own, saying that she was disappointed about both the content and the rating on the leaky scale of the most current leaks.

“As soon as someone discovers what these leaks contain, could someone leak them to me? I can’t even get a straight answer from the Daily Telegraph, and that’s saying something.”

Gillard goes on to say that she is quite shocked, and even confused, a reaction which was earlier leaked exclusively to The Static Press from another source.

Political analysts fear that the worst is to come.

“Leaks of this nature are never isolated leakages,” one analyst leaks. “We are quite possibly about to witness a chain reaction of leakages, with each leak leaked even leakier than the last. It is possible, even, that the last leakage in the chain could be the leakiest leak that has ever been leaked.”

Gillard refused to comment on this analysis, but we’re not too worried, as the leak is sure to leak the nature of her comment before she can formulate it anyway.