God - Omnipresent or Omnipervert?

March 29 2011

TUESDAY, WASHINGTON: The American arm of Christendom faces the biggest class action suit in spiritual history for impinging on the privacy of the citizens of the world for a period of ten thousand years or so.

The attorneys behind the lawsuit are seeking in upwards of 6.3 trillion US dollars in punitive and compensatory damages from the deity.

The action comes at a delicate time for the monotheistic religion, as the controversy surrounding the Catholic Church and the allegations of the cover up of chronic child abuse has not yet been completely covered up.

The group with the complaint claims that Christianity has been harbouring the omnipresent fugitive for many years. Just how may years that is remains unconfirmed, but sources say it is less than 6000.

“God has been watching us, quite intrusively, for thousands of years. We feel that this directly defies the first tort law principle: invasion of solitude,” a spokeperson for the group says. 

“He can see us, hear us, even talk to us if we’re not careful. It is a gross infringement on a basic human right!”

The defence, too, are confident. Despite combing through multiple bible editions, it appears that they have found no concrete evidence to suggest that God is watching anyone. No evidence that isn’t totally contradicted in the next paragraph, anyway.

Mr. God was not available for comment, though his son, a Mr. Jesus Christ, appears to be worrying about the possible need for some kind of sacrificial action in response to any action by God that is deemed by the courts as a ‘sin’.