The Onion to rethink the way it presents its content, claims rogue office mug.

February 13 2010

WORLD WIDE WEB – The Onion Enterprise, the world’s most commercial satirical news organisation, has today released a media statement saying that all its future media correspondence would be printed on merchandise only.

Having just recently run out of ideas for workplace mugs with such phrases as “This Mug Is Funny” and tee-shirts which proclaim “Stop Staring At My… Er… T-shirt” and other similarly witty merchandise, producers of The Onion have decided that they should ‘kill two birds with one keyboard’, a phrase which is set to appear on a new range of stationery supplies that the enterprise is releasing next week.

“We’ve got to be on top of the market,” says an anonymous Onion source. “It’s not enough to be the only paid… er, I mean celebrated satirical news source on the net. We have to throw ceramic mugs at our readers’ heads too.”

This will, according to The Onion, be much easier when the mug is weighed down with an entire article.

When asked if the quality of the content will be in any way diminished by the new layout, the source claimed that the quality had been dribbling away for years, even as the dollars dribbled in.

“It’s no huge leap to try and fit an entire article onto a pencil sharpener,” the source says. “As long as we chuck a couple of ‘fucks’, a few fake quotes and one or two topical references, we’re keeping our fan base amused.”

After the success of this new venture, the Onion will turn its sights to integrating its popular news videos with the merchandise. Rumours suggest that a digital keyring with the Onion logo on the outside will play a continuous loop of their best, read only, videos.

The Onion’s current editor has not yet made an official statement, citing the need to get it stamped onto a lanyard first.